Here?! Now?! Yup.

Not so long ago, I embarked on the longest drive I've undertaken on my own: over an hour and a quarter. And I got LOST for a grand total of about 3 minutes (interestingly, I also got lost for the same amount of time on the way back as well.) So granted that's not very long but I'm only 18 now give me a break. On this early morning drive through the countryside though, I spent a lot of time listening to music I hadn't touched on in some time. One of these songs happened to be by my long time top favorite artists, TobyMac. From his album "Tonight", I listened to the hit single "City On Our Knees". For a long time this song had meant a lot to me, but mostly as a song of encouragement. in following the Most High in my daily existence. Not that this particular experience moved my outlook on the song away from that, but it did alter my perspective a bit.

Thinking about how different that drive would be if my girlfriend Amelia had been in the car with me at the same time as that song got me to thinking. I wondered about what she was doing at that moment, as with the 12 hour difference between here and where she is, she was probably enjoying her evening in some way or another. Just as I was starting my day, hers was ending, hopefully on a good note. And it moved me. We did a lot of driving around together- to and from friends' houses, concerts, even down to Florida with her family for a college visiting trip. We spent a lot of time moving from place to place and it was an important time for us to catch up with one another. Now, I spend just as much time in that car but all alone for the most part. The passenger seat becomes occupied with documents, water bottles, Monster cans, changes of clothes and the occasional Nerf gun. Hearing that song come on, which I first began to listen to shortly after we began dating over a year and a half ago, really moved me to think about how different it was to be alone in that vehicle. Surprisingly, very little actual pain and sorrow came. In actuality, the song was a comfort. The basic verse of "If we gotta start somewhere why not here? If we gotta start sometime why not now?" reminded me of some of the basic emotions we had dealt with at various times. Fear of the unknown, anxiety about the future, and so on and so forth. To an even greater degree, the feeling of how hard it was to let go of her in that line at the airport and wave goodbye. But many times in life, when faced with a challenge we find the ability to reach inside ourselves.... and pull out the veteran excuse of "I'm not ready yet."

Wait, what?

Logically, this reasoning goes pretty far on the rubric, considering that many things in life require great amounts of preparation: benching new weights, taking harder classes, employment promotions, etc. However, sometimes I think we forget that God tends to put things in our lives that we can't really prepare for, both to teach us to rely on Him and also to keep things fresh. I didn't really want Amelia to leave for Thailand for 11 months-but then again, what was I able to really do about that? And even if I could have, should I have? Doubt it. The reality is that I'm enlisted in the Marine Corps and separation, long distances, limited contact, and other sorts of unpleasantries will be a part of my life. Did I feel entirely prepared to let the love of my life get on a plane bound for a southeast Asian country? Nope. But if we gotta start somewhere....

Time and time again I've used the excuse of not being ready yet. But there are loads of examples of times where people who weren't ready for a challenge thrust upon them performed admirably. Think of the prophets of old. Think of the apostles. Think of the Founding Fathers. Think of the soldiers at Normandy. Think of the civil servants and emergency personnel on 9/11. Though I have the wonderful habit of backing off because I'm scared of not being ready yet, when I have chosen to step out and give it a shot, God has never once left me high and dry.

Here? Now? Well, I guess that doesn't sound so bad.